Lately I feel like I’ve been having the same conversations over and over again. Well-meaning folks keep asking the same questions, raising the same issues, and involving me in the same round and round conversations. So in an effort to help preserve my sanity and hopefully to start to move us to a place where new conversations can happen I’m doing two things.
One, I set up a resource page. There are lots of categories and lots of information. If people ask a question that is answered on that page I’m going to point them there. I reserve the right to change my mind on a case by case basis but for the most part, this is a resource, please use it. If you see something that you think I should include, let me know. If you have a question that isn’t answered, let me know and I’ll try to find some resources.
Two, here are some of the conversations that I’m having/hearing a lot lately and my responses to them:
* But I don’t know these things (about homosexuality and the Bible, about what it means to be trans*, about any number of things) and how can I move past the 101 conversation unless I get my questions answered?
If you really want to work in solidarity with me you need to learn to do your own research. I get that you have questions, but I also get that there are a ton of resources out there that are a simple google search away. If you’re serious about being in solidarity with me, then you need to be serious about learning. Now, it’s even easier. Click over to that resource page and dig in. Read the books and articles listed. Watch the movies. Do your homework.
I’m beginning to think this insistence on queer people educating straight people is a derailing tactic. If people can keep queers having the same conversations over and over again. If people can keep queer people simply defending their right to exist, then they can keep queer people from getting to work on changing things. And people in power don’t want things to change because they benefit from the status quo. I’m not going to buy into this derailing and enabling behaviour anymore. If you want to be in solidarity with me, step up your game. If you refuse to do the work, then I’ll know you’re not really serious about being in solidarity.
* Can’t we just move past this whole conversation about sexuality and gender identity? I mean, really, I think we’re making too big a deal of it. After all in Jesus there is no male or female. Can’t we all just be one body?
It’s easy for heterosexual and cisgender (meaning not trans) people to say that there is too much focus on sexuality and bodies. I have had to fight and struggle my entire life to come to terms with my body as holy. My gender has been fought for and hard won. There are people murdered every day because people are upset about their genitalia. When we say that these aren’t the important things or the interesting things it dismisses the struggles of a lot of people. But even more than that, I think that reading the Bible queerly, understanding that there are characters in the Scriptures that violate gender norms, etc. has something to teach to the larger church. And not just about transgender or gay and lesbian people. I believe that my struggles to come to terms with my body can be applied to all people who struggle with their bodies. I believe that reading crucifixion and resurrection as a transgender narrative (you can read more about what I do with that here: anarchistreverend.com/trans-passion-narrative/ if you’re interested) can open up a whole new world to other people who have suffered trauma of many different kinds. That to me is both exciting and beautiful. For me it’s not talking about transgender and GLB issues just to talk about them or to make a big deal out of them, it’s my firm belief that they have something to teach the whole church. That when all people can live into their own fullness that something really outstanding can happen.
* At least we’re talking about these issues, why are you nitpicking that gender identity isn’t included in the welcome statement? Why are you being so negative about the people that are speaking publicly?
This comes down to, why don’t you just shut up and be thankful we’re talking about you at all. But the issue is that; you’re talking about me and my community. I’ll keep saying it because people don’t seem to be hearing it: we need queer people to speak for ourselves! I believe there is more harm done by speaking about queer people and issues badly then there is in remaining silent. I would rather someone say nothing at all about my community then to have them say something that’s harmful.
And when you don’t include gender identity in your welcome statement it creates an issue for me and for my community. I want to know that I am welcome and more than that that I am safe (not emotionally although that’d be nice too, but in a real physical sense). Can I use the restroom without being harassed? Can I shower safely and with privacy? Will my pronouns be respected? Will I be laughed at behind my back? Will there be people who will want to do violence to me? These are valid questions for trans* people in new spaces, even in the church or in religious spaces. If you don’t want to commit to making a space physically safe for a trans* person that’s one thing, but we should know that we are being excluded from the welcome statement not as an oversight but because you really don’t want to make the commitment to have us there.
And one more resource: Here’s why I think we should move away from talking about “allies”.
No related posts.
I’m also weary of the concept that “we’ll take care of [issue we think is easier] and come back to [issue we think is harder] later”.
In a lot of these discussions, this could just as well have been “we’ll take care of [people with whom we're more comfortable] and come back to [people with whom we're less comfortable] later”.
What it works out to is “we’ll take care of [people with less privilege than us] and come back to [people with even less privilege than them] later”.
In short: the people who are suffering most are the last people for whom we’ll change things.
yes! i totally agree! (that one hasn’t been on the radar of things people have been saying to me lately, but it’s definitely one that comes up and that i think needs to be highlighted as bunk!)
The biggest version of that for me so far was the ENDA debacle.
I’ve also found that if we start with [issue we think is harder] it ends up being just as easy/difficult as when we start with [issue we think is easier], so we might as well start with the hard one, that way we don’t need to drudge through each and every one.
This is particularly when it comes to LGB/T people. At Wild Goose, Anarchist Reverend, Matt Beams, and I wore Legalize Trans shirts all weekend long. We jumped right into conversations about gender. And most of the time we started at solidarity work (rather than, are you surrrre it’s ok to be trans). When we take for granted the humanity, worth, and value of people, rather than assume our audience needs to be convinced of that, it becomes EASIER.
From a simply pragmatic perspective, this approach makes sense. Glad to see others on the same wavelength!
I definitely believe that one must go through the 101 class in order to be an ally (if you still want to use the term). However, eventually you’re gonna have to graduate, right?
(Though I must confess that I’m still kinda stuck in Sexuality/Gender Identity 101. Partly it’s because reading a lot of text makes my ADD act up after a while, but also because I am pretty much a newbie.)
i also think the 101 conversations are important, but i think it’s unfair to ask queer people to keep having them. what if instead, folks who are doing solidarity work could have those conversations? that would free me up to move the conversation forward. and like you said, eventually people need to graduate. I don’t begrudge people their process, but i also don’t want them to stay stuck.
Of course there’s a tension between “Don’t talk to me about this, talk to other people doing solidarity work” and “Don’t talk about me, let me talk to you directly.”
I think it’s most effective when folks who want to do solidarity work educate themselves thoroughly. Books, articles, YouTube videos, documentaries, fictions films by oppressed/marginalized people. And show up for actual work: attend workshops, seminars, protests, rallies, celebrations. From there two things happen: you are have a solid foundation to work from and when you mess-up, you will have people in your life who are ready/able/willing to call you on it. Since you’ve built a good foundation, hopefully you can now listen, internalize, and fix it, rather than complain or draw out the discussion. Through these experiences you’ll also gain friends/relationships with other people doing active solidarity work; rather than some armchair “ally” who is going to feed you problematic stuff.
Hey
The Resources I am sure will be awesome but I got a 404 (page not found) when I clicked the link…
And FWIW, I have the same issue as a female pastor with people who want to talk about “women keeping silent” yadda yadda…
anywho.
Thanks for letting me know! Should be fixed now!
Yes! Yes! Yes! on stop using the word “ally”
I’ve seen so many people calling themselves allies that don’t do squat or are actually problematic. And with people who are doing really fierce solidarity work “ally” seems to distant of a title for them.
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