This article has been getting passed around a lot in my circles (major trigger warning for suicidal ideation, suicide, bullying, harassment, homophobia, etc.) I’m not sure if it’s getting a lot of play because this area is 30 minutes from where I currently live, or because it’s printed in Rolling Stone or what, but I wanted to offer some thoughts.
The story is a harrowing one: An epidemic of bullying ignored by school officials that leads to multiple suicides in the course of a very short time. It describes an atmosphere of terror.
First off, I have seen some folks passing around this article and saying that this is the reason we need to get gay marriage legalized (or at least hinting that if we could just get gay marriage legalized it would help these youth). No. Just no. These are two separate issues and by conflating them you make it so that gay marriage will bring in this mythical era of tolerance and good will. It will not. Telling youth, “well, at least you’ll be able to get married some day” is not helpful if they aren’t sure they can make it until tomorrow. So please, I beg of you, stop doing that.
Second, a small band of fundamentalist Christians have hijacked an entire, large school district with their hatred. This is the church’s problem and we need to be the ones to fix it. This is not the time for silence. This is not the time to play it safe or to worry about offending those folks who might not “be there yet”. Honestly, I don’t give a fuck about those people anymore because these kids are DYING. You want me to care about making someone uncomfortable when a teen has felt that their best option is suicide? Oh hell no.
Third, this also isn’t just about adults “helping” these youth. It’s not about making more “It Gets Better” videos, or being out and proud role models (although I do think those things help, for sure). Instead it is about empowering youth to be their own change agents. Find out what they need and make sure they are able to do it. It certainly needs some adult push but only because our systems are so ageist as to think that youth don’t know what they need and can’t articulate it.
Teachers and parents in this particular school district need to stand up and be counted. They need to be vocal and visible and present even if it costs them their jobs. I know it’s easy for me to say that as I am not a teacher, but sometimes there are things more important than stability.
Christian leaders need to be vocal in their support of queer youth. They need to be putting out an alternative message and they need to get over their fear of upsetting people. People on the left have been afraid for too long and the religious right has trampled all over us because of it. While we try to “build bridges” and “cross gaps” people are dying. Get a backbone.
Youth need to have safe spaces to gather to talk and plan. (This is one instance I wish I had a car. I would drive out to that area every week and be a resource if I could.) I’m glad that there are more GSA’s starting up, but I think having groups outside of school would be great as well.
One of the reasons Caidin and I founded Camp Osiris is to be a part of doing this work. There are so few places (although thankfully more every year) where youth can get together to talk about their sexualities and gender identities in a place that also takes their faith journey seriously. And one of the things I think is really different about Camp Osiris is our commitment to empowering youth to change their own communities. We don’t want to just provide a safe bubble (although that is important) we want to give tools so that when those young adults go home they are equipped not only with skills but also with emotional reserves to make change in their world. Our work as directors has been about so much more than just planning a camp, instead it’s been about figuring out how to listen to young adults and to give them what they need. We have some wisdom to impart, but more importantly we have access to resources that we want to make available. We’ve found the camp to be one way to do that. It’s also been important for us to do this in a faith based setting. While not all young adults are religious, most of the bashing comes from religious people, so those young adults that are religious need to have a place and people to help them reframe their spirituality from a queer centered, queer positive perspective.
We have got to start having a different conversation for queer youth and young adults. As people are coming out (and transitioning) younger and younger there need to be structures in place to protect them. They need access to resources. Christians need to be vocal about their support and about letting youth know where there are safe places to go.
We need to be putting money into resources for young adults. There needs to be housing and shelters for those who need to get away from abusive families. There needs to be more queer books in the libraries of schools and in the public libraries. There needs to be more money and scholarships for youth for camps, conferences, and retreats. We need to get safe space kits into classrooms, facilitators who can teach about bullying to teachers, etc. etc. I’m not saying that no money needs to go towards marriage equality, but my guess is that, as a community, we are spending at least ten times on marriage equality what we’re spending to support our youth. And that’s something that can’t be allowed to continue.
Amen!
Well said. I actually was just finishing the RS article when your post came up in my FB feed. I think we also need to be really vocal about how the primary culture war issues–abortion and homosexuality–are raised to distract us from the economic exploitation that’s being perpetrated against us. It’s a divide and conquer strategy that’s poisoning the Church and blinding us to the fact that, at least far as the Gospels are concerned, Jesus talked a lot about how the wealthy were destined for damnation–but he never talked about homosexuality. And even when it came to adultery and fornication, he was willing to forgive those offenses at the drop of a hat, while he condemned those who would not share whatever they had.
In short, these aren’t just random acts of hate. There’s a definite political strategy behind all of this nonsense. And like you point out, it’s LGBTQ youth who are on the front lines of this battle, and we need to be there to support them. I’m really glad to hear about Camp Osiris.
This is a great piece. I wish you every success with Camp Osiris.