Let’s talk about Facebook. Particularly as religious leaders and/or as trans* folks.
A couple things to get out of the way:
• I do know how to use my privacy settings and to use lists. I utilize them both very thoroughly.
• I also have read and agree with the whole idea of being transparent on Facebook and not just having a “religious persona”. That’s not what I’m talking about.
Here are the current issues I am facing (and I feel like they are probably issues faced by other folks as well):
I have one personal facebook page. On this page I have friended certain family members, people from my high school (very conservative) youth group, people from my (very conservative) college, people from the church I currently work at, various friends from all over the place, youth from the church I work at, and people from my new religious life as a NAOCC deacon.
I also have an anarchist reverend page where I pretty much post questions, interesting new stories, and links to stuff I am writing on the blog. It’s a place where I can interact with people more casually.
But here’s what happens: Some folks tag me or post on my wall photos from pre-transition. I have privacy settings set up to help with that, but it’s still annoying. Other folks post links to articles I might find interesting about trans* issues. I am mostly out, but I don’t necessarily want the youth I work with to be concerned with my trans* identity.
Many of the people I am connected with from either high school or college would be horrified by both my trans* status (which, whatever) AND by my newfound Catholicism. I also don’t feel the need to get into religious or political debates on Facebook because, well, who has the time or the energy?
So what’s the issue? I feel like I can’t really use Facebook effectively. On the one hand there really is nothing I have to hide, on the other I feel like posting certain things honestly would be seen as inflammatory to people from my past. I don’t think these folks’ minds will be changed and I don’t want to argue about it. I also don’t want to be pegged even more as the “radical liberal” and have word get back to my family (who still goes to the church I grew up in) and have to have awkward religious and political conversations with them. I would like to be able to stay in touch with these folks to reminisce, see photos of their kids, and hear what they are up to.
I don’t like the idea of having a “religious” account and profile. For one I don’t want to spend more time trying to manage another account on Facebook. It also seems like I have something to hide as a religious leader. I also have two facets of my “religious life”: One, the church I work for, and two, my life as a Deacon and a church planter. These spheres don’t necessarily mix.
I also don’t like the idea of having a “page” set up. Pages make it hard to interact with folks on a more personal level. I can’t leave comments on their page, I can’t friend people, etc.
I feel like this has led to me having a presence on Facebook that feel shallow and fragmented and I hate to have any part of my life feeling that way. I feel like I can’t make my profile picture photos from my ordination because that will invite too many questions and because once you make something your profile photo than your security settings no longer work on it.
All of this is incredibly frustrating and leads to my barely using Facebook. Maybe that wouldn’t be an issue except that Facebook is a powerful tool to reach out to and interact with folks. It’s a good way for me to keep up with people from the past that I wouldn’t get to interact with otherwise and a way for me to keep the youth I work with updated on what’s happening.
I’m not sure how to navigate this (or even if it can be navigated given the limitations of Facebook’s rules, etc.).
How do you use Facebook? Are there larger questions I should be asking? How do you navigate the personal/professional split? Let’s talk about this!
For what it’s worth, I use Facebook primarily for business – post articles I’ve written, highlight other’s work, etc. Few things I do …
- As a woman, I have never put my relationship status or birth year on any online site because adding those bits in tends to attract the crazies who search for hookups using this info.
- I never post pics of kids – I will send the pics to the parents and let them decide.
- I hid my Facebook friends – no point in having the fundies and the atheists fight.
- I untag any pic of me that I feel makes me look fat or drunk – part of that is vanity and it’s also putting up a good professional front.
- Anything I post on any social media site is posted back to Facebook. That reminds me not to go “too far” and keeps me from spouting off some crap that could bit me in the ass.
- My friend count continues to climb so whatever I am doing isn’t causing folks to leave en mass. But I don;t use it nearly as much as once did as means of dialogue.
I use Facebook for all kinds of things, personal sharing, posting things of interest, spouting political and religious opinions, sharing things i’ve written. I am always myself – I don’t self edit. I am completely against having a “religious persona”. My Facebook is not where I preach or “set an example” except by being myself…my moody, funny, sometimes rude, completely honest self. For that reason I only allow people on my Facebook who I can trust to accept and support (though not always agree with) me, while also being themselves with me. I don’t generally allow parishioners on my facebook (I’ve made a few exceptions) and I’m very careful with colleagues. I do not have anyone who could be considered my “boss” on Facebook. I see Facebook as my “home’…..if you come in, expect to see me ‘as I am’. I will try and keep things neat and respectable, but I’m not going to hide anything or put on a show. As you would if you were in my home, I expect you to treat me with respect. We can disagree….even argue….but when you start attacking me or something intrinsic to who I am, I will block you. You are not welcome in my “home” if you’re going to treat me like that. So no homophobic, racist or misogynistic comments are tolerated (you will get a warning but if thats ignored, you’re gone). All that said, if I think I may regret it, I don’t post it. If I post it I have to be ready and willing to stand by it…because no matter how careful you are with privacy settings, someone will see something that offends or shocks them. If that happens however, its their issue, not yours….unless of course you are trying to maintain a “persona” rarther than sharing your self.
Should also add….I do manage a “church” facebook page and of course on that I’m MUCH more circumspect and less personal!