Something has happened several times recently that left me feeling badly about myself. I’ve been out with friends or talking to someone I haven’t seen in a while and the question inevitably turns to what we we’ve been up to. So I rattle off all of the various things I am doing (which are work or ministry related). Then the person asks, “What do you do for fun?” And I pause. Then I tell them that I mostly hang out at home and read books. They look at me with a bit of pity and I try to come up with something more exciting.
I leave the conversation feeling like I should be more exciting. I should get out and do more stuff! I should explore! I should meet new people!
Then I had a three part realization:
1: I really love the work I am doing right now. It is work that I feel called to, work that fulfills me, work that I have been dreaming of for years. I love church planting. I love directing Camp Osiris. I love teaching Queer Theology. All of this stuff excites me! And honestly, I am doing all of these projects after I work a full day/week.
2: I am an introvert. Which means that after I work a full day and then come home and work on either the church start, camp, or queer theology, I am exhausted and need time to recharge. I need time that is quiet, where I can read, reflect, etc.
and 3: I like being at home by myself and reading! I like being able to putter around my apartment and do whatever feels right in the moment. I like being able to stay in bed all day with a good book, take a nap if I feel sleepy, cook delicious food, watch baseball, etc.
So I have decided to not feel guilty any more if people think I am not exciting enough. I am not going to feel like a loser for staying home and doing stuff that I enjoy. I am not going to feel like a workaholic for spending my time on projects that I am passionate about.
My life might seem anti-climactic to some folks, but honestly I am the most at peace and the most fulfilled I have ever been. I feel like I am exactly where I need to be. (And sometimes where I need to be is hanging out at home, alone, for the entire weekend.)
Did you miss the announcement of the new project I’m working on? Check it out!